hey, this is a blog about a girl named michelle. if you know her, then that's great i guess. if not, then this blog might be a little confusing. if you want to get to know me, just talk to me. i don't bite. i think.
Monday, February 1, 2010
so, this is how it is ?
why do you have to pop into my life whenever you want too ? don't i get a say in it too ? i hate it when you scare me like that.. and i honestly have to say, despite me always talking how you were never in my life, i think i'll keep it that way. i don't want to be involved with you - i don't want to get shut out and cut out of your life again like you did to me when i was still in elementary.
dad, honestly.. if i ever let you back in, will you let me back in ? i don't want to see you.. because i'm too scared to see you. it's only because i'm scared of being hurt again because i was hurt so much that i'm not willing to let you back in.. and usually i do let those who've hurt me back into my life.. but you're just one of those selected fews that i don't want to see. i know if i said give me time because it's been years since i've seen you it'd be dumb, but i really do need time to think about it all because i actually learned how to not think of you this past year. it's been pain free so far, until now.
it hurts because i miss you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i love you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i hate you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i want to see you, but at the same time i don't.
this is bothering me so much.. i'm just so screwed up in my head right now. why is everything that's having to do with a dad sticking out like a sore thumb more then usual ? i hate this feeling. i know people will say suck it up and get the fuck over it, well guess what ? fuck you. everyone deals with everything differently and i'm definitely not one to suck it up and get the fuck over it. sorry if i'm soft, but that's just the way i am.
why do you have to pop into my life whenever you want too ? don't i get a say in it too ? i hate it when you scare me like that.. and i honestly have to say, despite me always talking how you were never in my life, i think i'll keep it that way. i don't want to be involved with you - i don't want to get shut out and cut out of your life again like you did to me when i was still in elementary.
dad, honestly.. if i ever let you back in, will you let me back in ? i don't want to see you.. because i'm too scared to see you. it's only because i'm scared of being hurt again because i was hurt so much that i'm not willing to let you back in.. and usually i do let those who've hurt me back into my life.. but you're just one of those selected fews that i don't want to see. i know if i said give me time because it's been years since i've seen you it'd be dumb, but i really do need time to think about it all because i actually learned how to not think of you this past year. it's been pain free so far, until now.
it hurts because i miss you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i love you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i hate you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i want to see you, but at the same time i don't.
this is bothering me so much.. i'm just so screwed up in my head right now. why is everything that's having to do with a dad sticking out like a sore thumb more then usual ? i hate this feeling. i know people will say suck it up and get the fuck over it, well guess what ? fuck you. everyone deals with everything differently and i'm definitely not one to suck it up and get the fuck over it. sorry if i'm soft, but that's just the way i am.
