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hey, this is a blog about a girl named michelle. if you know her, then that's great i guess. if not, then this blog might be a little confusing. if you want to get to know me, just talk to me. i don't bite. i think.

It's funny how the most least expected things tend to happen.. during the the most unexpected times. Everything happened so suddenly, I guess it was just a shock, especially because it's something different. Of course, the best things come by surprise.

It used to be just me and him saying hi to each other in the halls. Then during grade eleven, we started talking on msn out of no where.. oddly I was too shy to add him on msn, but I just felt like I had too. I just told myself I'd only talk to him if he messaged me first, which.. he did. It was completely platonic then, just laughing and making fun of each other, constantly; making jokes and having our own little inside jokes. So we talk on msn and for days he forces to get out what I wanted to my birthday, and he did. So he goes out of his way and buys me a sweater.. (which everything I've done is with that sweater on.). Then he tells me he's going to Florida for two weeks, which made me a little upset.. but I was like, 'Heeey, it's all good. Just two weeks, it'll be over soon then we can chill again after.' But everything just started to fall into place. We began to chill with just us alone, it was fuuuun. Freezing our asses off at a randooo bus stop to go to Square One, then doing nothing when we're there. After, he snuck me into his house when his parents weren't home and we watched Benjamin Button - blanket sharing, relaxing on each other.
"This feels like... a date."
"Heh.. I know eh."

We hug.. we almost kissed, but we just brushed it off. Then I leave to go home. Then next day, we watched Ice Age together.. I guess I just realized something then. So, I leave again, coming back the next day, expecting to watch Highschool Musical 3, obviously a fail, so we decided to get busy with other things.. no sexual intention, don't worry.

"I really
sldkfmaweifalsdjfanlkjwenalksjdcnlaskjnfaweurhawufaksjdfalkwjehalskjdfnalkwefhasidufhakwlje
fnalkjnwelkjfanksjdcnalwekjfnalweufaskdjfanwlieufnalskjdfnaskjdfanliweufnaksjdfnweanwlekjf want to kiss you."
".. I don't mind. (I really want to too..)"
"I forgot how to kiss.."
"It's not that hard.."
"-hides face in blankets-"
"Michelle.. -pulls her head out and kisses her-"
"EEEEEEEEEEP. Oh. That felt different. Was there anything there ? Did it feel nice ? It felt hallow, didn't it. Where's the emotion ? It was dry. Let's try it again."

LMFAO. My heart was racing insanely. I thought my heart was going to explode, so I just spit out whatever.

"-pushes him away- AHH YOU PUT YOUR TONGUE IN MY MOUTH."
"SORRY, I didn't know if you wanted it or not!"
".. I didn't expect it.. but I liked it... it's the first time I had to go on my tippy toes to kiss someone."

Two weeks of Florida. The most torture ever - if we didn't have our BlackBerrys.. I would've went crazy. I never knew I could miss someone so much..



why do you have to pop into my life whenever you want too ? don't i get a say in it too ? i hate it when you scare me like that.. and i honestly have to say, despite me always talking how you were never in my life, i think i'll keep it that way. i don't want to be involved with you - i don't want to get shut out and cut out of your life again like you did to me when i was still in elementary.

dad, honestly.. if i ever let you back in, will you let me back in ? i don't want to see you.. because i'm too scared to see you. it's only because i'm scared of being hurt again because i was hurt so much that i'm not willing to let you back in.. and usually i do let those who've hurt me back into my life.. but you're just one of those selected fews that i don't want to see. i know if i said give me time because it's been years since i've seen you it'd be dumb, but i really do need time to think about it all because i actually learned how to not think of you this past year. it's been pain free so far, until now.

it hurts because i miss you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i love you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i hate you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i want to see you, but at the same time i don't.

this is bothering me so much.. i'm just so screwed up in my head right now. why is everything that's having to do with a dad sticking out like a sore thumb more then usual ? i hate this feeling. i know people will say suck it up and get the fuck over it, well guess what ? fuck you. everyone deals with everything differently and i'm definitely not one to suck it up and get the fuck over it. sorry if i'm soft, but that's just the way i am.

dad, will this be the same again ?

i doubt it.

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Adopted Trees.

It's funny how the most least expected things tend to happen.. during the the most unexpected times. Everything happened so suddenly, I guess it was just a shock, especially because it's something different. Of course, the best things come by surprise.

It used to be just me and him saying hi to each other in the halls. Then during grade eleven, we started talking on msn out of no where.. oddly I was too shy to add him on msn, but I just felt like I had too. I just told myself I'd only talk to him if he messaged me first, which.. he did. It was completely platonic then, just laughing and making fun of each other, constantly; making jokes and having our own little inside jokes. So we talk on msn and for days he forces to get out what I wanted to my birthday, and he did. So he goes out of his way and buys me a sweater.. (which everything I've done is with that sweater on.). Then he tells me he's going to Florida for two weeks, which made me a little upset.. but I was like, 'Heeey, it's all good. Just two weeks, it'll be over soon then we can chill again after.' But everything just started to fall into place. We began to chill with just us alone, it was fuuuun. Freezing our asses off at a randooo bus stop to go to Square One, then doing nothing when we're there. After, he snuck me into his house when his parents weren't home and we watched Benjamin Button - blanket sharing, relaxing on each other.
"This feels like... a date."
"Heh.. I know eh."

We hug.. we almost kissed, but we just brushed it off. Then I leave to go home. Then next day, we watched Ice Age together.. I guess I just realized something then. So, I leave again, coming back the next day, expecting to watch Highschool Musical 3, obviously a fail, so we decided to get busy with other things.. no sexual intention, don't worry.

"I really
sldkfmaweifalsdjfanlkjwenalksjdcnlaskjnfaweurhawufaksjdfalkwjehalskjdfnalkwefhasidufhakwlje
fnalkjnwelkjfanksjdcnalwekjfnalweufaskdjfanwlieufnalskjdfnaskjdfanliweufnaksjdfnweanwlekjf want to kiss you."
".. I don't mind. (I really want to too..)"
"I forgot how to kiss.."
"It's not that hard.."
"-hides face in blankets-"
"Michelle.. -pulls her head out and kisses her-"
"EEEEEEEEEEP. Oh. That felt different. Was there anything there ? Did it feel nice ? It felt hallow, didn't it. Where's the emotion ? It was dry. Let's try it again."

LMFAO. My heart was racing insanely. I thought my heart was going to explode, so I just spit out whatever.

"-pushes him away- AHH YOU PUT YOUR TONGUE IN MY MOUTH."
"SORRY, I didn't know if you wanted it or not!"
".. I didn't expect it.. but I liked it... it's the first time I had to go on my tippy toes to kiss someone."

Two weeks of Florida. The most torture ever - if we didn't have our BlackBerrys.. I would've went crazy. I never knew I could miss someone so much..



why do you have to pop into my life whenever you want too ? don't i get a say in it too ? i hate it when you scare me like that.. and i honestly have to say, despite me always talking how you were never in my life, i think i'll keep it that way. i don't want to be involved with you - i don't want to get shut out and cut out of your life again like you did to me when i was still in elementary.

dad, honestly.. if i ever let you back in, will you let me back in ? i don't want to see you.. because i'm too scared to see you. it's only because i'm scared of being hurt again because i was hurt so much that i'm not willing to let you back in.. and usually i do let those who've hurt me back into my life.. but you're just one of those selected fews that i don't want to see. i know if i said give me time because it's been years since i've seen you it'd be dumb, but i really do need time to think about it all because i actually learned how to not think of you this past year. it's been pain free so far, until now.

it hurts because i miss you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i love you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i hate you, but at the same time i don't. it hurts because i want to see you, but at the same time i don't.

this is bothering me so much.. i'm just so screwed up in my head right now. why is everything that's having to do with a dad sticking out like a sore thumb more then usual ? i hate this feeling. i know people will say suck it up and get the fuck over it, well guess what ? fuck you. everyone deals with everything differently and i'm definitely not one to suck it up and get the fuck over it. sorry if i'm soft, but that's just the way i am.

dad, will this be the same again ?

i doubt it.

By post:

1. "Really?"
2. so, this is how it is ?
3. Yuck
4. Nothing
5. ?
6. Tired of this..
7. Falling ♥
8. Wedding Dress
9. Shit happens.
10. Gravity

By month:

1. November 2008
2. December 2008
3. January 2009
4. February 2009
5. March 2009
6. April 2009
7. May 2009
8. June 2009
9. July 2009
10. August 2009
11. September 2009
12. October 2009
13. November 2009
14. December 2009
15. January 2010
16. February 2010

Credits
Layout: Mary
Background: floodplains
Adapted from: floodplains

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